


Shotgun Aimed At My Heart

by badreputation



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asahi being an idiot in love, I Don't Know Anymore, M/M, a bit of angst, okay maybe a bit more angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3414242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badreputation/pseuds/badreputation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it had been going on and on for years but the moment he realized it, it was in a middle of practice, so when the fact struck him he froze while running towards the ball. Which resulted in him falling on his back, hitting his head with a CRACK.</p>
<p>I'm in love with Nishinoya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo, I started watching Haikyuu!! and my brain came up with this. I had been listening to the song "Me and my broken heart" by Rixton for a few days now, hence the title.
> 
> Sorry for any typos, feel free to tell me if I got anything wrong, I don't bite.
> 
> The italics are Asahi's thoughts.

Maybe it had been going on and on for years but the moment he realized it, it was in a middle of practice, so when the fact struck him he froze while running towards the ball. Which resulted in him falling on his back, hitting his head with a CRACK.

His eyes couldn’t focus and in the little time he had before the yelling started his mind was screaming at him a hymn over and over.

_I'm in love with Nishinoya._

_I'm_ in love _with Nishinoya._

**_I'm in love with Nishinoya._ **

Somebody, or everybody, was calling his name.

He had banged his head pretty hard, ears ringing. His heart was beating in his chest like a scared bird in a cage and his whole body was numb.

“…hi!”

Was that Daichi?

“Asahi!”

Definetly Daichi.

His vision cleared and he saw their captain’s worried face, along with Hinata who looked even worse than he himself probably did, Yamaguchi with his eyebrows scrunched in a concerned frown, Suga who was peeking behind Hinata’s shoulder like a mother hen and... Nishinoya who was slapping his cheek lightly and who was currently talking.

But he couldn’t hear a word.

Everything was smudged and fuzzy. Nishinoya had gotten a bottle of water and was wetting Asahi’s face with his free hand, concentration clear. His mouth was moving, brandy eyes locked with his own. Weren’t Nishinoya’s eyes brown? Or was it the light? Probably the light.

The shorter glared as he turned towards the others, most likely growling something because they all backed up. Nishinoya continued wetting his face, palm gently sweeping over Asahi’s forehead, mouth still moving, bright eyes searching for a sign of something. All Asahi could do was blink and swallow, a shiver running over his body. His eyelids started fluttering, he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

That made Nishinoya’s slaps a bit too harsh, not letting the fog take him. When he looked at his lips Asahi read “Don’t fall asleep.”, so he tried to nod which resulted in pain and a sharp intake of breath throught his teeth. It hurt worse when he frowned so he tried relaxing his face, clenching his teeth together.

Nishinoya was getting blurry, the ceiling too.

_Ah, shit._

It lasted for a few long seconds, during which he had started sweating, shivers racking his body again.

Nishinoya shook his shoulder, panic crossing his face.

_Buzzing._

_Buzzing._

_Buzzing._

He was going to fall unconcious. The pain increased.

Asahi pressed his fingers to the ground, doing the same with his heels. Nishinoya, who seemed to realize that he was trying to grab on to anything, grasped both of his shoulders, mouth moving again.

He could hear it this time.

“Asahi.” there was something different in the way he said his name, a firmness that he had never quite heard from the other before, honorifics absent.

His heart fluttered again. He liked the way the other said it.

 _I'm in love with Nishinoya_.

Their eyes were locked again.

_Crap._

He really was in love with Nishinoya.

Asahi swallowed again or at least tried to.

“N…” his mouth was dry. “Noya?”

Nishinoya sighted in relief, his lips tugging in a smile. An ordinary smile that made his heart wild, his brain probably a rainbow of chemicals by now.

No, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How did it even happen?

His expression must have changed because Nishinoya’s smile vanished. He wanted it back.

“Asahi? Can you hear me?” one hand moved to his forehead again, smearing more water, a thumb between his eyebrows going in soft motions. Asahi blinked, not knowing what to do, say or even think.

_Nishinoya, huh?_

His eyes were wide, still in awe with the realization.

“Asahi?” he saw a pair of feet in his peripheral vision. It was Daichi.

Nishinoya scowled at the newcomer, not stopping for a second with the soothing movements on his fingers. If the situation was diffrent Daich would have probably scolded the younger for his behaviour.

“They’re all outside, it’s just us three in here.” their captain said and crouched. “Suga called an ambulance.”

“Good.” Nishinoya nodded.

“I’m…” Asahi’s throat hurt. “I’m fine.”

“Oh, shut it.” both of his friends said, giving him a stern look. To be honest, when they wanted they could both be bigger mother hens than Suga.

“You couldn’t hear me, could you?” Nishinoya stopped the movements of his fingers. “You were as pale as a ghost, you know. Had this strange expression – something between shock and daze and you were shivering all over. So don’t tell me you’re _“fine”_. Because you’re not.”

That was the thing about Nishinoya. He was always either extremely happy or extremely serious and boy, he could be as scary as Daichi when he was serious. Not because of his anger, but because seeing him like that when you’ve been around him for a while, knowing that behind all that goofiness, laughter and jokes was that person with a straight face that could hurt you without even touching you… that was scary. That was the Nishinoya that was sitting next to him.

The same Nishinoya that a mere minute ago had that dazzling smile on.

_Well, congratulations to the winner._

Asahi sighted and blinked slowly, staring at the ceiling. He had to calm down. Now.

“Don’t ignore me.” Nishinoya grabbed his chin, applying pressure to get Asahi’s attention, but not pulling his head. His eyes were darker now, the brandy color gone. Guess it was the light after all.

_How can I ignore you?_

Asahi kept his mouth shut, concentrating on the pain in his head that made his jaw flinch. The bun that kept his hair was making things more uncomfortable. He shifted his head, hissing while doing so.

“Quit doing that.” Nishinoya kept him in place.

“Don’t be so harsh with him.” Daichi said.

"I wouldn’t be if he stopped moving.” Asahi sighted again.

He wasn’t a child. He could face the consequences of his actions. And he really wanted to have some time alone now, away from the teammate that was not letting him move an inch, the teammate that he just realized he had a not so small crush on. If he stayed so close any longer his body would surely respond to the attention and that would be embarasing.

What are you supposed to do when you find out that you harbour feelings for one of your closest friends? Do you confess? Do you ignore said feelings? Do you try to make them go away? Do you keep your distance from that person? What?

He had never really fallen for anybody. He only found out about this because of all the tell-tale signs like a stomach full of butterflies, skipping heart beats, constant thinking about Nishinoya, all the classic stuff in the cheezy movies. But how? _When?_

“How do you feel?” he felt Nishinoya’s gaze on him but willed himself not to look.

“Fine.” his voice was still raspy.

Suddenly Nishinoya’s face was so close to his that he could count all his eyelashes. Asahi could feel his face getting hot and he thought that he would have a heart attack soon enough with all the stress the organ had to take. His brain was a gushy mess by now. If he tilted his head just so their lips would meet and—

_Nope, banned territory, red alert, red alert._

Stupid hormones, stupid crushes, stupid everything.

He was supposed to be worrying about volleyball and exams, not whether the beating thing in his chest would explode any moment.

“Now that I got your attention.” the shorter muttered. “How do you feel?” Nishinoya didn’t move and his breath smelled of mint and chocolate. His eyes were a different color again – whiskey brown, with a tint of orange. What the hell?

“Asahi?”

“Huh?” was all that came out of his mouth. Asahi was afraid that they could hear the beating of his heart.

“Nishinoya, leave him.” thank anybody out there in the universe that Daichi was there. “Nishinoya.”

The younger’s eyes shifted to their captain then back to the fallen teammate and with his lips pursed he backed off.

 

An hour later Asahi was still thinking about Nishinoya’s eyes while a doctor examined him in the hospital. They did a CT and an MRI scan after the basic neurological tests. Everything was fine. Still, his parents will throw a fit.

“Where does it hurt now?”

“The…” he coughed to clear his throat. “The back of my head and behind my eyes.” he gestured with his hand, barely able to lift the limb normally. “Also, I think I’ll throw up.”

“You have to take it easy the next few weeks. That means less telephones and computers, also less school work – good for you. Just avoid things that can irritate or hurt your eyes, you have to rest a lot, which also means that you can’t do any sports or exercises for those few weeks. You’ll stay here for the next 24 hours so we can supervize you if anything happens. Your concussion isn’t as bad as we thought so the dizziness will wear off eventually in your case. The bathroom is there.” he pointed to the door a few steps away from Asahi’s bed. “If anything feels wrong call a nurse immediately, okay?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” the doctor left.

This wasn’t such a good day.

He was in a bed and he finally had the chance to free his hair from the elastic. It was wonderful.

Asahi slowly tilted his head to both sides and he counted it as a plus when there was no sharp pain or smudged vision. He ran his hand through the brown strands, fighting with a few knots.

There was a knock on the door. When he said “Yes?” Nishinoya’s head poked through slowly, eyebrows rising when he saw the brown thing on his head called hair.

It was almost reaching his shoulder blades and it was probably a mess. He didn’t have the time to trim it so he just let it grow. It wasn’t getting in the way since he always had it tied back. He combed it as best as he could with his fingers, flinching when they got tangled in it again.

“You better?” the younger one sat on the chair beside the bed, elbows on his knees.

He was tired, Asahi could tell, shoulders haunched, breathing slow, eyelids dropping from time to time.

“Yeah.” Asahi murmured. “You should go home and get some rest.” that earned him a sharp glare.

“You’re concussed and you’re telling _me_ to get some rest?” eyebrows rose again, daring him to say anything. Nishinoya had always been the type to dominate when he could, especially when he was pissed. “Listen,” he rubbed his temple and hunched even more. “I don’t want to fight with you.” Asahi shifted his head on the pillow to so he could get a better look at his friend.

Something was bothering Nishinoya. He wasn’t looking him in the eye, which was rare. Nishinoya always kept eye contact – whether it was a fight, a conversation about something important, a small talk, a truth, a lie, he never let his eyes stray from the person he was talking to.

Asahi tilted his head more until his neck was straining.

“Quit that.” the shorter pinched Asahi’s throat which made his shoulders go up in an attempt to protect himself. “You shouldn’t be moving your head that much.” there was this strange look on his face and Asahi couldn’t determine what it was or what it meant.

Nishinoya was still in his volleyball uniform. He fidgeted from time to time, pulling the shorts or the collar of the T-shirt, hands clasped with the thumbs rubbing against each other, then a fingernail dug in the skin.

“Nishinoya.” the fidgeting stopped and brown eyes moved to look at his own. Huh. So now they were brown. Did he have some sort of problem seeing or something? Maybe it was just because of the head trauma.

“Don’t worry.” Asahis said with a smile, flashing his teeth. “I’ll be fine.”

The other teen didn’t seem convinced.

“What happened?” Nishinoya rubbed his eyes.

“Huh?” oh, no. What if he got caught? What if Nishinoya found out? Would he be angry? Would he hate him?

“You know what I’m talking about.” there was that serious tone again.

He had to be careful.

“Uh… I spaced out?” he tried to laugh again but it came out like a squeak.

“You never space out.” was the answer he got. “I’ve never seen you space out. You always have your head in the game. You’re always sharp.” there was a a pause and Asahi was panicking. Nishinoya knew him too well. “Is something bothering you, Asahi?”

He hasn’t been using the “san” for quite a long time, he always did that when things were serious, modesty be damned. He should have minded, but in fact didn't.

“Huh? Why would you think that, haha...?” with his free hand Asahi scratched his collarbone and watched how Nishinoya’s eyes followed the motion. “I was just thinking, got lost in my mind, that’s all.” technically he wasn’t lying, it was the thruth.

“About what?” he should have seen that. His friend was always curious. _About everything_.

“Just… normall stuff…”

“Normal stuff? What? You in love with somebody?”

_CRAP._

“W-what made you think that?” it was always like Nishinoya could read his mind. This wasn’t the first occasion, many times it had happened and Asahi constantly got startled by it.

“So there is somebody!” Nishinoya exclaimed, pointing at him. There was something off, though. Asahi couldn’t put his finger on it.

“No! It’s not like that! I just- I just have a lot of exams in school and don’t know how things will pass!” he lied. He lied and he wasn’t a good liar. He lied and hoped that Nishinoya was tired enough to fall for it.

Nishinoya smirked, but the usual glint in his eyes was absent. He tilted his head back so he was observing Asahi from under his lashes with the same expression from before that Asahi couldn’t decipher.

He looked oddly hollow.

Asahi frowned.

_What the hell?_

The look was gone and Nishinoya sighted.

“Go to sleep.” he sounded even weirder.

_What?_

“Wha—”

“Go to sleep, I’ll stay here.” his teammate caught Asahi’s palm that was still covering one of his smaller hands and put it gently on the bed by Asahi’s side.

_What’s going on?_

“Nihsinoya?”

_I can't read him._

Nishinoya didn’t look at him, instead leaned back with his arms crossed and expressive orbs shut.

_I can't read Nishinoya._

 

He didn’t know when he had fallen sleep but it was dark outside. He could see the stars that were shining on the dark sky. They were a bit blurred but when he blinked a few times his vision cleared out.

The hairs on his neck stood up. He was being watched.

When Asahi turned his eyes to the right he saw that Nishinoya was still in the chair, in the same position as before, only now his eyes were open. Again, that expression. It was something that made the younger look older and calmer, it reminded Asahi of a big cat, the same feeling he got when they were against Nekoma, when every single move they made was analyzed.

“Noya?”

Apparently the other was in his own world because when Asahi spoke Nishinoya jumped, muscles tense.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“I was.”

The silence was loud. Nishinoya looked like he wanted to say something but was keeping it behind his teeth. He was frowning, lips pursed.

“Are you okay?” Asahi was getting worried. This was a side of Nishinoya that he rarely saw. He preferred the lively and smiling side, the one that made his stomach do flips and got his heart and brain crazy.

Nishinoya looked taken aback for a long moment, blinking slowly.

In less than a second he started laughing, clutching his abdomen and bending forward with his shoulders shaking. Nishinoya rested his head on his knees while Asahi watched him with even more worry. But at the same time the picture of Nishinoya’s laugh struck him right in the chest like an invisible arrow.

“Nishinoya? A-are you okay?” if anything the question made the laughter louder, now combined with wheezing, until Nishinoya started falling forwards and caugh himself on the edge of the bed in the last moment with his forehead on the sheets.

Asahi blinked and sat up. Surprisingly there was almost no pain – just a little around his temples but that was magnificent in comparation whith the pain from before. He raised his arms, not knowing what to do or whether it was a good idea to touch the other, fingers clenching and unclenching. He finally settled with putting his palm on the other’s nape.

The sounds stopped sharply, as if Asahi had pulled a plug, and Nishinoya went still. Then he turned his head enough to look at Asahi. Nishinoya’s left arm raised slowly, thumb and middle finger brought together, and flicked Asahi’s nose lightly.

“Idiot.” he whispered softly. His hand pulled away a few strands that were in front of Asahi’s eyes and pushed them behind Asahi’s ear. Then moment he did that the older’s heart fluttered again. “You’re concussed and you’re asking if _I’m_ okay…” Nihsinoya let his hand fall down, laying his head on his arms.

Asahi wanted to disappear. He didn’t like being watched. Everybody who didn’t know him said all kinds of stuff about him – from being a drug dealer to being a gang leader. He really hated that but tried not to let it show. Everybody watched him. Everywhere he looked, everywhere he turned, everywhere he ran, everywhere he hid – they watched him. This was difftent though. Being watched by Nishinoya was a whole different thing – those closed-off eyes scanned him with something that wasn’t judgement or fear.

It made him feel hot all over. It made him feel naked.

Even the first time they met Nishinoya wasn’t intimidated, it was like he saw through him. There was awe and confusion but never fear. They were polar opposites but they clicked almost instantly. After the match with Date Tech High everything snapped, like that broom that nobody threw out after. The time Nishinoya had seeked him out in the hallway was the only time they had had contact, the time when his mouth opened without any permission and he said those things. When he got back they clicked again, that made him extremely happy.

And then he figured out what his feelings were. He didn’t know what he will do, what was right to do. He—

“Oi, I’m here you know.” Nishinoya murmured from his place with a sluggish blink. His eyes were a different colour again - a dark shade of brandy. “What are you thinkin’ about?”

“Uh…” Asahi contemplated on whether or not he should say anything. “Nothing impotant.” brandy eyes narrowed.

“What kind of “nothing”? The same “nothing” that brought you to this hospital bed or a different type of “nothing”?”

_Crap._

Asahi kept silent.

Nishinoya pulled away from the bed, his face a blank mask.

_You hurt him. You fucking hurt him. You hurt Nishinoya._

“I’m gonna go clean myself.” Nishinoya stood up and headed towards the small bathroom, taking his sack of belongings with him.

Asahi opened his mouth. Nothing came out.

The door closed.

Asahi laid back hitting the bed with his fist.

_Damn it!_

He stared at ceiling.

_You hurt him._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos! Sorry if there are any typos.
> 
> Hope I didn't disappoint.

He must have fallen asleep again because when he woke up the room was bright and he was alone. Though when he looked to the right he saw a sack of belongings. That meaned that the team member that he upset last night was still here. The door to the bathroom was open and the lights were off.

And his head hurt a lot.

Asahi sat up slowly and got out of the bed in an even slower pace, his temples, as well as the back of his head were pulsing with pain and there was a slight tremor in his hands. He headed towards the bathroom, leaving the door ajar so he didn’t have to turn the lights on.

He looked in the mirror.

Well. He hadn’t expected to look that bad.

His hair was a mess, curling in odd places, and every strand seemed to have it’s own opinion, face with a 5 o'clock shadow that made him look way older than he was and he was so pale that he scared himself. Asahi splashed some ice cold water on his face and neck, not particularly fond with the way his hands continued to shake slightly, then he sat back on the bed with his back to the window.

He touched the place where the impact had happened and flinched. Stupid move.

Looking around the room he saw his own sack, wondering if it was there from the beginning or whether somebody had brought it here while he was asleep. Asahi crouched in front of it, fishing for his hair brush, sighting when he found it. It was really painful because the place that was sore was where the hair was tangled the most and in the end he felt even worse than when he got up.

His throat felt tight.

What was an even bigger pain was getting up again.

The world spun so sharply that he fell on his behind and hit his elbow in the bed.

He heard footsteps.

_Oh, no._

The spinning didn’t stop. The footsteps sounded like eardrums in his ears. The light shone in his peripheral vision so he tried turning his head but only ended up making things worse.

The door to the room opened.

“Asaaaahi-saaaaan!” the cheerful call of his name came from Nishinoya.

That was even louder.

He closed his eyes, covered his ears and hunched in on himself.

“Asahi?”

Somebody, probably Nishinoya, ran towards him, the sneakers making awful sounds on the floor, and crouched in front of him.

Smaller hands covered his own, isolating most of the sound. That felt better. He felt his shoulders sag. One of the hands tried to lift his lightly and Asahi let it.

“Don’t open your eyes.” was whispered. “I’ll get you to lay down.”

Asahi tapped the hands that were over his twice instead of nodding. Then his ear was covered again and he slowly started getting up. He stepped to the right until he felt the bed just above his knee. They did a circle so he could sit and lay down. It was kind of weird doing all that without his arms as support. He lifted his legs on the bed carefully so he didn’t kick Nishinoya.

The smaller hands left his. He suddenly felt cold without them. The blanked was on him in an instant. The light in his peripheral vision vanished so that meant that Noya had pulled the curtains. There was a dip in the bed to the right.

Asahi opened his eyes sluggishy, expecting the pain to strike him again, glad when that didn’t happen. Nishinoya was seated on the bed, looking at him with a concerned frown. Asahi let his hands fall from his ears.

“Sorry.” Nishinoya whispered. “I pulled the curtains in the morning, not considering that your eyes are gonna be sensitive to light.”

Asahi waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, telling the other that it was alright.

“It’s not okay. I should’ve thought about it. Why are you pinching me?”

Asahi continued pinching the inner side of Nishinoya’s wrist.

“Your parents are here. They called after you fell asleep and I told them what happened. Actually, they came in with me but I asked them to call for the doctor. So they should be back in a few.” Nishinoya continued whispering.

Afterwards it was quiet again. Nishinoya stared at him without saying anything and since he couldn’t take it any longer he actually did something really childish and covered himself with the blanket. Then he heard a snort followed by giggles. Nishinoya was trying to hold in his laughter.

“Really? Under the blanket?” the hair that was otside the blanket got ruffled. “Jeez…”

Asahi peeked from under his hideout.

Mistake number one.

The smile stupified him, like literary stupify. He couldn’t move. His heart beat accelerated like he was at practice and he was fairly sure that there was a blush on his cheeks already so he frowned as much as he could to try and cover things up a bit. It was obvious that it didn’t help. Asahi looked at Nishinoya’s eyes.

Mistake number two.

His brain was clearly damaged by the fall because those eyes were a bright brandy colour again, twinkling with mirth. To be honest, that’s the first time he’d seen the other teen smile like that, ever. Even at matches – sure it was bliss and all that, being under pressure and handling it, the thrill of the chase and the high of the game, of touching the ball, scoring… then everybody is screaming out their joy, feeling alive more than anyhting. But… the thing in Nishinoya’s eyes wasn’t joy.

It was sheer child like happiness combined with playfulness.

“You’re spacing out again.” the smile was still plastered on the handsome fa—

_HANDSOME?!_

“You… Your eyes…” he said as if the other would get everything just by those words.

“Hah? Oooh!!” a slight blush appeared on the high cheekbones and Nishinoya looked away, hand scratching at his nape. “Well, uh, they sometimes change colour, I dunno how, but it just happens. Ryū told me...” he was murmuring so quiet that Asahi had to strain himself to actually hear it.

“They’re beautiful.”

_CRAP. NO._

“I mean they’re really cool, haha…” Asahi was just about to cover himself again but the blanked got pulled away.

“You don’t think it’s weird?” Nishinoya was a lot closer than before.

_No. Calm down. You know Nishinoya is touchy-feely all the time. For him physical contact is a way of expressing himself. So. Calm. Down._

It was easier said than done because now the shorter teen was almost on top of him and if somebody walked in on them like that… Wait… His parents… His parents were supposed to be here any moment.

This day was getting worse by the second.

“No.” Asahi said, trying to disappear in the pillow.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

Asahi knew that this could go on for hours like it usually does between Nishinoya and Tanaka so he did the only thing he could think of.

“Yuu.” the reaction was instant.

Brandy eyes widened, mouth in a “O” shape and maybe his eyes were decieving him but the blush forming on Nihsinoya’s cheeks was getting more crimson by the second. Asahi pulled back the sheet and covered his face until the only things left outside were his eyes and hair.

Asahi knew that people rarely called him by his first name, thus he knew that the other would be shocked if he called him that. But he did not expect this kind of reaction where Nishinoya didn’t move and continued staring so intensly that if he hadn’t blinked Asahi would have thought that he had become a statue or something.

Maybe he had stepped over some line.

Maybe he shouldn’t have done it. 

For Asahi it was intimate, only close people called each other by their first names. Also it wasn't fair towards his friend because for Nishinoya things were platonic, but for Asahi not so much anymore. Not that he would do anything. No, never, not when that would mean that he could lose the friendship that was so dear to him, not when he could screw things up permanently.

Yeah, he would probably just wallow in self-pity and hope that the feelings died out sooner rather than later and that he didn’t show them in any way or let the others find out because nobody in their team could keep a secret. Maybe Daichi.

There were footsteps again.

Which only meant…

_I love my parents._

Nishinoya’s eyes widened even more but instead of getting off of him he just moved a little back until it didn’t look so suspicious.

A light knock sounded and Asahi’s mother stepped inside as quiet as a mouse, followed by his father who wasn’t as graceful.

“Asahi?” his mum stepped closer with a smile on her face but he could see the worry behind her eyes.

Nishinoya got up to make space for them and sat on the chair to Asahi’s right.

“You got us worried there.” his dad sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on Asahi’s foot.

“I’m fine.” Asahi smiled as best as he could even if he wasn’t in the mood to do so.

He could feel Nishinoya’s eyes on him the whole time so he covered himslef with the blanket even more.

The doctor came in shortly after.

He got checked out in the afternoon and parted ways with his teammate which he could barely look at.

 

The next day he went to practice only to watch and if his eyes followed Nishinoya more than usual nobody noticed. Well, almost nobody.

It continued like that for about a week and a half until one day Shimizu asked to talk with him. She led him away from the gym and when they were 50 meters away from the doors so nobody could evesdrop she turned with her arms crossed, expression unreadable as always.

“Um… can I help you with something or…?” Asahi shifted from foot to foot, not quite returning the cool stare.

“Are you going to tell him?” her voice was even.

He swallowed.

There goes the “don’t let anybody know”. If Shimizu had figured it out, it might be a matter of time until the others caught up. Although she was sharper than all of them. So he couldn’t act like he had no idea what she was talking about.

_Of all the people…_

He looked to the left, hands in the big pocket of his sweatshirt.

“I know that it’s none of my buisness.” she continued. “You will grow distarcted when you can practice again.” she said with a tilt of her head as if that explained everything. “But you already know that.”

He knew that Simizu was referring to the accident that gave him an annoying head trauma. He also knew she meant well.

“Yeah.”

“Sulking won’t help.”

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do?”

He shrugged.

“Don’t let it get in the way of practice. Or you will injure yourself again, probably somebody else too.”

He nodded.

“Asahi-san.” he looked at her. “I am here if you need someone to talk with.” then Shimizu walked away.

“Thank you.” he got a little smile in return.

 

Asahi didn’t go to the practice on Friday and Saturday since he couldn’t play anyway and just stayed in his room, looking towards the mountain and thinking. His mother and father called him for the meals and he stayed quiet while he ate. They told him that they will have to go on a buisness trip for a few days which meant…

_I can actually be alone for a while._

He got messages from Suga and Daichi, asking him if he was alright so he sent them affirmatives. He didn’t want them to worry but he also didn’t want to talk with or be around anybody.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the buzzing of his phone.

 

_< why didn’t you come to practice today or the other day?>_

It was from Nishinoya. Just the person he wanted to be away from.

<<Didn’t feel like it>>

He deleted that and stared at the screen. What could he say? I want to get over my feelings towards you? I don’t want to feel like this and ruin our relatonship? I’m too busy pitying myself and doing absolutely nothing? I’m sorry?

Asahi sighted and pinched his nose.

He settled with <<I had work to do>> and sent it.

_< you okay?>_

<<Yeah, don’t worry>>

He just hoped that Nishinoya was not in one of those moods where he didn’t stop until he got the answer out of you.

_< you got concussed>_

That sentence seemed to be his counter attack for everything lately.

<<I’m fine.>>

He wasn’t but nobody needed to know that. He’ll deal and pretend.

_< liar, liar, pants on fire>_

_< you put dots only when you’re not fine>_

Ah, shit. He _was_ in that interrogative mood.

_< you gonna come tomorrow?>_

There was no point of lying about this at least so he typed a <<No>>, careful to miss the dot that ruined everything.

_ < why?>_

<<I have to study>>

 < _me too let’s study together >_

 Nihsinoya was being persistent.

<<We’re in different grades>>

_ <exactly, you know stuff and I don’t>_

Asahi sighted and got off his bed to drink some water, phone in his pocket. He hoped that by not answering Nishinoya would get the memo. At the same time he felt bad for treating him like that when he hadn’t deserved it and was just worried. He was an awful and selfish friend, afraid to hurt himself and ruin one of the good things in his life while at the same time he hurt the others around him.

The phone buzzed again.

_< hey your mom called mine and asked if I want to stay over yours for a few days since your parents’ll be gone and she’s worried that you’ll be alone after the head thing>_

What.

WHAT.

He wanted to hit his head in the mirror over the skink or go to sleep and stay that way forever.

Obviously the Universe hated him or something.

_< so i’m coming over tomorrow after practice>_

Great. Terrific. And Nihsinoya didn’t even ask if Asahi wanted him to come over so that meant that he was not going to leave him alone anytime soon.

Then he actually comprehended the situation. He’ll be with Nihsinoya in his house. Alone. So nobody could save him. He’ll be alone in his own house with his crush that happened to be his closest friend.

He didn’t know what he had done in past lives to deserve this.

 

The following day he said goodbye to his parents in the morning and did one of the things the doctor had told him not to when he got checked out – he listened to music and even after ten minutes the pain started to creep over his temples, then behind his eyes. At 5:30 pm he took a shower and was just drying his hair with a towel when his phone rang.

 _“I’m here.”_ was said before he could open his mouth and the line went dead.

This early? Practice didn’t end until another hour or half an hour. He went down the stairs and opened the front door in a T-shirt and shorts, towel over his shoulders, collecting most of the water on his hair.

“Yo!”

“Hey.” he smiled and stepped aside to let the other in.

“I brought some snacks and ice cream.” Nishinoya said as he tipped off his shoes and went to the kitchen to leave the bags with food.

“You can go take a shower if you want.” that’s it, act normal. Nothing’s changed unless you act like it.

Nihsinoya gave him a thumbs up, climbing up the stairs. As Asahi followed him he saw how the shorter immediately went to Asahi’s room to leave his sack and take a fresh set of clothes, then headed towards the bathroom while whistling some tune.

Nishinoya was so acustomed to his house that it was like he almost lived in it. He got this warm feeling in his chest that at the same time felt good but hurt as well.

While Nishinoya showered Asahi was telling himself to calm down and be normal – smile, laugh, don’t look, try to avoid touching as much as possible, don’t screw up.

It was easier said than done because when Nishinoya came back (less than 10 minutes which was less than he usually showered) with his hiar wet, in a red tank-top and grey shorts Asahi’s heart went to his throat and he looked away as fast as he could.

“So… what are we going to study first?” the other teen gave him an unimpressed look. “Food?” he got a toothy smile. “Problem is we have to cook it ourselves…”

“You just broke my heart.” Nihsinoya said with a fake weep and a hand over his chest, covering his eyes with his arm.

Asahi couldn’t help but laugh which in turn made Nishinoya grin.

They went to the kitchen and searched through the cupboards.

“We can make Tonkotsu ramen.” Nishinoya finally said with his hands on his hips. “It’s your favourite, right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Asahi tried to not look as best as he could because right now Nishinoya was…well… cute. With his hair down, which made him look even shorter (though Asahi knew that he could beat him up he wanted to), the tank top that bared his whole arms, neck, collarbones and almost half of his back and the shorts that reached mid-tigh.

Then Nishinoya turned around and caught him, raising an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you cold?” Asahi said, crossing his arms over his chest.

True, the night was chilly and he really did wonder how his friend wasn’t cold wearing close to nothing.

“Naaaah, besides, all I need to do is stay close to you, you’re a furnace.” Nishinoya smirked.

They started making the ramen but when Nishinoya almost cut off his forefinger twice Asahi asked him to sit down on one of the chairs around the table while he himself did the cooking.

“Didn’t know you were that good in the kitchen.” Nishinoya said from his place, head rested on a fist.

“When I was a kid and I was bored I watched mom and dad cook. Afterwards I started doing it too. It’s not that hard.”

“Speak for yourself! Do you have any idea how many times I actually tried to cook on my own amd failed miserably? Every time. _Every single time._ ”

“You need practice. And not everybody is fit for that. For example it took me years to learn how to make Tonkotsu ramen.”

They continued the conversation and Asahi felt relief.

Things were normal between them. Only he had changed. But as long as he kept it to himself things would be fine.

That is until Nishinoya touched his lower back to warn him that he was near him since Asahi was washing a knife and filled a glass of water. Asahi told himself that it was nothing and that there shouldn’t have been a shiver down his spine.

Actually, he had really sensitive skin – not the type of sensitive skin that easily got hurt or easily got rashes, no, he was sensitive to human touch. Though he was used to Nishinoya’s and Tanakas’s constant touches because they were just like that and it was in an act of friendship. But ever since his revalation every touch by Nishinoya brought a bigger reaction and it was only Nishinoya that could do that, he didn’t react the same way to others.

_No. Stop that._

Asahi licked his lips and focused on the food he was cooking.

“Now we just have to wait a bit.” he said after a while and took off the towel that was still on his shoulders. His hair was still a bit wet in places but he’ll live. He left it on one of the chairs and when he caught his reflection he saw that it had curled a bit more than usual.

Nishinoya was looking at him, head still rested on a fist. He had taken off his towel too and his hair looked fluffy. In fact Asahi wanted to run his hands through it, he rarely saw the smaller teen with his hair down. It made him look younger. Also more like a… cat.

Nishinoya was still looking at him.

“Do I… have something on my face?”

“Your hair’s all wavy.”

“Yeah, I was going to tie it back.”

“Don’t.” Nishinoya leaned forward on the table.

He definetly looked like a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I would really like to hear your opinion :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos! ^^ Also, to answer Pachianarchy and Youkai_Hime (thank you guys) - they're not exactly best friends, more like they got close after Asahi got back in club - sending text messages from time to time, studying together sometimes (since Asahi is a year older and knows or has a vague idea of the stuff Nishinoya studies) and doing sleepovers, just spending time with each other in general =) And thank you ArturoSavinni as well ^^ - I also like the serious side of Nishinoya because usually he's cheerful, but during the fight with Asahi we could see all the rage beneath the surface, so yeah :D
> 
> Sorry for any typos. Hope I didn't disappoint.

They kept quiet for a minute or two and sadly this time Asahi couldn’t hide under a blanket. Especially when he really wanted to. He felt warm again, pulling at the shirt he was wearing every few seconds or clearing his throat.

He wished people knew that the only intimidating thing about him was the way he looked. Inside he was always conscious of himself, trying not to take up too much space, failing at being small so most of time he was hunched. Which earned him hard pats on the back from Daichi and Suga, making him straighten up more.

Nishinoya hadn’t stopped staring and he was never ashamed of that. Actually, Nishinoya was rarely ashamed of _anything_. He was confidence itself and if he was taller he would have been more intimidating than Asahi.

The timer Asahi had set dinged.

They could eat. Finally.

“Mom and dad aren’t here so we can go to the living room.” he said as he took both bowls of ramen and Nishinoya opened the door for him to which he responded with a quiet “thanks”.

They sat at the table, splitting their chopsticks with an “Itadakimasu.”. Asahi put on the TV because he couldn’t stand the silence anymore and left it on Animal Planet.

“Oooooh, lions!” Nishinoya exclaimed, back to his cheery self. “They’re so awesome.”

“Mhmmm.” Asahi liked the atmosphere now – calm and warm. He barely took a bite when Nishinoya stood straight sharply.

“It’s so delicious! How??” he was making noises that brought a hot wave in Asahi’s body, but he pretended that it was because of the ramen.

Both Nishinoya and Tanaka had a passion for food as big as their passion for volleyball; they enjoyed every single moment, exagerating most of the time with all the noises and faces but it always made the cook proud of their work. Asahi wasn’t an exeption. It made him happy that his friend liked the food, partly because Nishinoya was a picky eater and would live off sweets if he could.

“Kami, I can’t! It’s just...” there were literal tears in Nishinoya’s eyes, looking at Asahi for the umpteenth time, only this time it was with praise, as if Asahi was some sort of god.

Asahi blushed and ate, head down, bangs covering most of his face.

“Thanks. But it’s really nothing much—”

“Are you kiddin’ me? It’s brilliant! I haven’t had anything this good in ages! Man, I’m gonna move here and live with you forever.”

That statement shouldn’t have made him so happy.

“Seriously tho,” Nishinoya said with his mouth full. “I love being here.”

And Asahi loved Nishinoya being here but for a whole different reason which made him feel like he had been slapped across the face with a wet towel.

Nishinoya cherished him as a friend.

While Asahi was secretly crushing on him like a teenaged girl from the movies. What kind of a friend was he?

He smiled eitherway.

The plan was to not let anything be weird or to seem suspicious.

_Smile. Just smile, damn it._

He focused on the lions that were currently sprawled on the ground, bellies full after a hunt and a cub was playing with the male’s tail. Nishinoya looked like a lion too. Especially with those eyes that tended to change colour. And that feral look he got when he was angry (when they fought in the supply closet) and the strange look Asahi saw on him a few times (like a cat stalking a mouse, ready to pounce and claim).

They ate and he pretended, smiling at jokes like nothing was wrong.

 _There_ is _nothing wrong, only you._

He was the one that was making something out of nothing.

He rolled his shoulders that were stiff even when he wasn’t at practice and maybe that was the reason they were like that. It hurt when he dug with his fingers, rubbing around his neck. He hissed and flinched, but continued.

“You want help?” Nishinoya was stitting on the floor to his left, his arms keeping him upright on either side behind him. He had finished eating, bowl empty. “It’s gonna be a bigger pain later if you leave it.”

One part of Asahi wanted to say “YES PLEASE” while the other was like “DON’T YOU DARE” because this was the recipe to disaster.

“I- I’ll be fine, thanks.” he was able to stutter out with a nervous smile.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

_No. But it’s better if you don’t._

“Won’t it hurt you worse tomorrow?”

He was being persistent again, his whole attention on Asahi now.

Asahi was aware that he was only concerned for his well being but if Nishinoya didn’t stop pressing he would buldge and say yes instead of resisting.

_If you cherish Nihsinoya as a friend you better say “NO”._

“I’ve had worse.” Asahi swallowed. “I’ll go clean the dishes.” taking the bowls with him he walked to the kitchen, mustering all the self-control he had. He was a second away from accepting the offer. But it wasn’t fair nowards Nishinoya.

He held his breath for five seconds and exaled for the same period of time.

_Stop being so selfish._

That thought did the trick.

_Phew…_

Asahi heard a deep intake of breath somewhere from the living room.

“Hey, do you mind if I snatch your laptop and put on some music?” he hadn’t expected that.

“Erm... usually I don’t have a problem but I still have to avoid loud sounds.” technically, he shouldn’t even be watching TV but he stood as far away as possible and lowered the volume.

“Oh… nevermind then.” Nishinoya sounded kind of disappointed. He didn’t like that.

“I suppose we can listen, if it’s quiet…” he was such a sucker. He couldn't say no to him before, but now it was even more impossible.

“You sure?” the teen’s voice was suddenly too close and Asahi jumped, dropping one of the bowls in the sink.

“Don’t do that!” Asahi knew that he most likely sounded like a kid and was embarrassed by it, but he had always been jumpy and got scared easily.

“Sorry. But are you sure? Won’t your head hurt?”

“As long as it’s not a higher than the TV, I’ll be fine.” he dryed the dishes, putting them in the cuppoard again and sighted in relief when Nishinoya nodded and went upstairs.

He could breathe for a moment.

He wished he could go for a walk to clear his head, clean something else, have somebody call him, anything. He needed a distraction. He needed to…

_Calm down._

Why was it so hard to act normal? Why couldn’t his heart stop beating like had run a mile and that was the reacton of a small sneaky glance at his shorter friend. Maybe he should make something up or pretend he wasn’t well – then Nishinoya will leave him alone and he wouldn’t do anything stupid or reckless or that he would regret. That was the best he could think of. He shoudn’t do it, he knew, but he was scared. He was a coward.

“Okay!”

How did Nishinoya come down so quietly?

“So… just a sec… this thing loads so slow…”

When Asahi came back to the living room Nishinoya looked up at him for less than a second, then focused his eyes on the monitor in front of him. If Asahi didn’t know better he would have said that he was nervous and when Nishinoya rolled his soulders as if he was going to a difficult match Asahi thought that maybe he _was_ nervous.

A song started playing.

It was in English.

_“I'll use you as a warning sign_

_That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind”_

“Found it a few days back.” Nihsinoya leaned back, Asahi could see that he was tense. “You’re good at English, yeah?”

_“I'll use you as a focal point_

_So I don't lose sight of what I want”_

Asahi nodded.

“The lyrics are good.” Nishinoya rubbed his nape, staring at the monitor.

_“I've moved further than I thought I could_

_But I miss you more than I thought I would”_

“Yeah, it’s nice.”

_“I'll use you as a warning sign_

_That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind”_

Asahi thought that Nishinoya was more into those American rock and metal bands, mostly the old ones, the ones that he and Tanaka sometimes talked about. Asahi tapped his foot to the rhythm. It was like a steady heart beat. It calmed him down better than any walk could.

_“I found love where it wasn't supposed to be_

_Right in front of me_

_Talk some sense to me”_

Nishinoya looked at him without moving his head, observing him the same way he did while Asahi was making the ramen.

_“I'll use you as a makeshift gauge_

_Of how much to give and how much to take_

_I'll use you as a warning sign_

_That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind”_

He probably wanted to see how Asahi reacted to the fact that he actually listened to love songs.

_“I found love where it wasn't supposed to be_

_Right in front of me_

_Talk some sense to me”_

Asahi felt like he was caught in the act, like Nishinoya knew. It wasn’t like the other couldn’t see through him. Anybody could. He wasn’t a good actor.

He stared at the floor, foot still tapping but the feeling of being watched didn’t leave. Instead it prickled and he had the urge to scratch his cheek and chin.

The chorus sounded one more time and the song ended.

Nishinoya’s phone ringed.

“Tch.” the younger snatched it, looking at the screen. He stopped for a second, one hand hovering over the keyboard and quickly typed something, clicking twice and stood up. “I gotta take that.”

“Sure.”

A piano started playing.

Nishinoya left him again, closing the door that was separating the kitchen and the living room, but not before Asahi heard the growled “What?”.

_“Don't wanna let this moment slip away_

_'Cause I have something that I really need to say_

_And it's killing me inside”_

Somehow Asahi could teel that he was probably going to be sorry for listening the lyrics.

_“I think that maybe you don't understand_

_How I would give you all I have and all I am_

_Till the end of time”_

Another love song?

_“You got me defenseless, intoxicate me senseless_

_You cut me so deeply, I must confess”_

The more he listened, the more he couldn’t breathe.

_“Baby, I can't breathe with my arms around you_

_Baby, I can't sleep 'cause now that I found you”_

Did…

_“Your love is like a weapon, girl, I can't live without you_

_You're so beautiful, it's tearing me apart_

_You murder my heart, you murder my heart”_

Did Nishinoya know?

_“I need to catch my breath with you sometimes_

_'Cause I get dizzy when your body's touching mine_

_Girl, you're killing me inside”_

Was this some sort of way to confront him?

_“The way you move is much too sexy, baby_

_So I surrender to your hands, your lips, your taste_

_And I'm telling you tonight—”_

Everything went out. Literary.

But Asahi didn’t move, even when he heard a crash from the kitchen, followed by an outraged “ ** _Seriously?!_** ”.

Nishinoya knew. Nishinoya knew about his feelings.

Asahi stood up with lightning speed, hitting the table while doing so, head pounding.

_What if it’s just a few songs he likes? But doesn’t want anybody else to know he liked them? What if I’m overreacting and panicking for nothing?_

Yeah right.

“Asahi?” he heard from the kitchen. The door opened and Asahi couldn’t see a damn thing. Which meant Nishinoya couldn’t see anything. Which meant Nishinoya couldn’t see the expression on his face of utter terror and panic. Which meant he could fake it.

“Yeah, I’m he—” Nishinoya bumped into him, smaller hand taking a hold of the material of his shirt, preventing him form slipping away.

His heart sped up.

Nihsinoya unlocked his phone, thankfully waving it towards the stairs, pulling Asahi with him. Climbing up was a slow process since his teammate didn’t loosen the grip on the fabric, resulting in them stumbling a few times due to the diffrence in height. The whole time Nishinoya was muttering under his breath and Asahi heard “Damn you, Ryū” and "Damned electricity" a few times.

Ah, so Tanaka had called. Asahi was grateful because if he headn’t Nishinoya would have witnessed his expression when the second song started.

When they got to Asahi’s room Nishinoya closed the door a bit harshly and Asahi could bet that he would have slammed it hadn’t he suffered a head trauma.

Nishinoya paced around the room and Asahi would have said something if he didn’t felt like he wanted to just turn invisible or cease existing. He got on his bed quietly, bumping a bit because of the lack of light.

_He knows. He knows. He knows._

Asahi shrunk in on himself.

_If you’re going to confront me about it, just do it._

He followed Nishinoya with his eyes when they got acustomed to the darkness, his leg twitching. He felt cold. He felt like somethig terrble was going to happen, stomach lurching, lungs almost refusing to swallow in oxygen.

“Oh, fuck it.” Nishinoya snarled, sharply turning towards the bed, making Asahi flinch.

He was like a lion ready to kill. Asahi backed away with every step the other took.

“Why?” Nishinoya said, tone firm, fists balled by his sides.

“Why what?” Asahi squeaked.

_Here it goes._

He swallowed.

“Why? Why are you so unconfident?”

_Huh?_

“Why do you have such a low opinion about yourself? Do you have _any_ idea what you _do_ to me?” Nishinoya growled.

_What?_

Smaller hands were fisted in his shirt again, pulling him forward.

“You still don’t get it…” Nihinoya was searching his eyes. The street lamp outside Asahi’s house lit up and he could see that Nishinoya’s eyes were a lighter shade again – whiskey this time. The yellow hue from outside gave them an even more saturated colour. He could stare at them for years.

Wait a minute… did that mean that Nishinoya didn’t know?

Nishinoya took a breath and took out his phone, clicking a few times until a playlist appeared. His finger hovered over a song, whiskey eyes flickering up to meet Asahi’s for a brief moment and let it play.

_“I wish my girlfriend was more like you_

_I lose my mind with the way you move”_

The hand that was clutching his shirt pulled tighter.

_“the way you throw your hair around_

_you got a smile that knocks me down…”_

“Really?” Nishinoya looked like he was going to smack him. “Do you seriosly not get it yet, you idiot?”

Asahi shook his head slowly, afraid to do anything at all, not wanting to provoke a worse reaction since he obviously couldn't comprehend what was going on. The song continued playing.

_“…when you come around_

_you set it on fire_

_You take my world and turn it up_

_turn it up, turn it up”_

_Wait… wait… wh—_

Nihsinoya growled again.

_“yeah the way you move you burn it up_

_burn it up_

_and you set it on fire”_

“What I mean to say is…” Nishinoya started.

_“You take my world and turn it up_

_turn it up, turn it up_

_yeah the way you move you burn it up_

_burn it up_

_and you set it on fire”_

Nishinoya pulled him forward again, the wild look shocking him, and Asahi opened his mouth to apologize.

He was stopped by the hands that held his head, thumbs hooking under his jaw. Chapped lips covered his own, teeth biting at his lower and upper lip a few times, then a tongue licking over them after. It raised goosebumps on Asahi’s flesh. The slick muscle pushed past the seam of his lips, running over his gums. Asahi was on his back now, eyes wide with his arms limp at his sides. Nishinoya pulled back, breathing heavy.

“What I mean to say is that I like you.” he said, eyebrows scrunched and all in all he looked desperate.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out shorter than the rest, oh well. Anyway, thank you guys for the kudos and awesome feedback, it kept me going, it made me laugh and smile and gave me fuel, so, really - thank you! ◕‿◕
> 
> Sorry if there are any typos. Hope I didn't disappoint.

Asahi's mind was blank. Heat was wrapping around him, flooding in his face.

“What I mean to say is that I like you.”

There was a *thud*, Nishinoya's phone had fallen on the ground, the lack of music making everything seem too quiet and real.

_Huh? HUH?_

Nishinoya was looming over him, staring down, appearing more scared than Asahi had been mere seconds ago. The mostly dyied bangs tickled Asahi's forehead. Nishinoya pulled back a little, lion glare gone, replaced by a look similar to a doe in headlights.

_What?_

Neither moved or blinked.

_What?_

"Say something." Nishinoya's voice was a notch higher.

Asahi lay limp.

"You... like me." he meant to say it as a question but his brain wasn't functioning normally. Was Nishinoya joking around with him? "Is this a joke?"

Maybe the door will slam open with Tanaka yelling "GOTCHA'!".

"I get that..." Asahi's throat was getting tight again and it was hard to speak. "I get that it's weird... my feelings towards you..." the tightness got unberable, spreading down to his chest. "But you didn't have to joke... " the tremors in his hands were back again.

Nishinoya lifted himself up a little again, a deep frown appearing on his forehead, his mouth open, but no words came out.

Cold shivers racked Asahi's body and he could bet that he was making a stupid and childish face but he couldn't stop it. Did Nishinoya really just joke with him about his feelings?

"Wait, wait, back up a minute." Nihsinoya supported himself on his elbows on each side of Asahi's face. "Your... your feelings for me?" his whiskey eyes were wide and he was standing too close, practically plastered over the larger teen.

Asahi turned his head to the right, facing the wall.

"Hey." gentle fingers moved it back to it's previous position but he fought against them. "Look at me. Asahi. Look at me. _Please_." the bangs were tickling Asahi's temple. He clenched his jaw and peeked from the side of his eye, slowly moving his head to face Nishinoya. "Who said it was a joke?" he was back in serious mode, Asahi mused.

"You just..."

"It wasn't a joke. I didn't joke. I'm not joking." Nishinoya's face was getting closer and Asahi tried to inch away but now there were hands holding him in place.

"Wha- but you just kissed me!"

"Yeah."

"But-"

"I like you. I _like_ like you. As in I like you as more than a friend. The way Shōyō likes Kageyama. The way Tsukishima likes Yamaguchi but is too stubborn to admit. The way-" Asahi covered his mouth, red in the face and ears, even his neck.

"But-" Nihsonya licked the hand over his mouth, making Asahi squeak and remove it.

"I like you." Asahi opened his mouth but got interrupted again. "I like your voice, the way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you smile, I like the way you start rubbing your nape when you're nervous, I like the way your ears turn red before your face does when you're embarrassed, I like the way you always check the side streets for any abandoned animals that you can take care of and that you always try to find a home for them, I like the way you don't judge people before you get to know them, I like the confidence you get when you're in the game, I like you. I like _you_ , Asahi." their noses were touching.

Nishinoya's thumbs started making forms over Asahi's cheekbones, temples and jaw.

Only then did Asahi understand the way they were laying on the bed and how Nishinoya was between his legs, how they were together from hips to chests.

Asahi didn't know what to think anymore.

Nishinoya looked calmer, more tranquil than Asahi had ever seen him. The restlessness from ten minues ago was gone, as well as the bulbing rage and nervous energy around him. His half-lidded eyes were an ever lighter shade if possible, almost...

_Gold._

"The songs."

Nishinoya smiled.

"You finally caught on. And if you say "but" one more time I'll start singing. We both know I suck at singing."

Asahi grimaced. He had found out the hard way, with Nishinoya's arm over his shoulder, yelling (singing) in his ear after a particulrly good day when the whole team was in high spirits.

Nihsinoya moved closer again, their noses bumping, almost no space separating them.

Asahi remembered the day he fell and concussed himself when Nishinoya's face was suddenly just as close, trying to get his attention, when all he had to do was move a little in either side and they would be kissing. He looked from Nishinoya's golden eyes to his mouth but the other didnt make a move. Only continued bumping their noses, as if urging Asahi to do something. He felt the warm breath that smelled like the ramen they ate barely fifteen minutes ago.

Maybe he should just try to move away. Although he couldn't because of Nishinoya's hands on each side of his face.

Another bump.

He felt Nishinoya's heart which was beating as wild as his. 

With the next bump their mouths almost connected. Almost. 

Asahi brought his trembling hands to Nishinoya's sides unsurely, swallowing loudly.

One more bump.

Asahi tilted his head to the left slowly, their lips meeting.

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't like in the movies. He had almost missed Nishinoya's lips and was actually kissing only his upper lip. He tried to arrange them properly, feeling Nishinoya laugh quietly.

He did it right on the third time, Nihsinoya's lips moving against his own. Asahi closed his eyes, the golden orbs still focused on him, because people didn't stay with their eyes open while kissing, right?

This time it wasn't messy, hurried or desperate as the previous one. It was just a press of skin. 

Was this even real? Maybe he fainted while they were listening to music and this was just a dream. A wonderful dream where his love wasn't unrequited.

Nishinoya got closer (Asahi didn't think it was possible, there was literary no space between their bodies anymore) and buried his hands in Asahi's hair. A shiver ran down Asahi's spine.

Things got more heated and with each passing second the warmth grew bigger and bigger. Nishinoya was gripping him tighter, his moves steadier. He licked at Asahi's lower lip, sucking on it, doing the same with the upper one, then he lapped at both, asking for permission. Asahi complied and opened his mouth, another shiver running down his spine when their tongues met and tangled. 

He was so overwhelmed with just a few kisses, his shirt was sticking to him but the best part was that he could feel that the same was happening for Nihsinoya so he wasn't the only one. He wasn't the only one who was feeling this much.

Nishinoya pulled back so they could breathe and a grin that made the older melt brightened his face. His face was flushed, mostly his cheeks, and his bangs stood up in a funny way since they were pressed against Asahi's face. He looked so happy that Asahi couldn't help but stare, so entranced by him.

"I've wanted to do this for so long." Nishinoya put his head on Asahi's shoulder, facing his neck. "Never thought it would be so good." he was playing with the long hair, rolling it around his fingers. 

"W-" Asahi cleared his throat. "What about Shimizu-san?"

"Yeah... uh..." Nishinoya fidgeted. "I think I haven't liked her like _that_ for a long time."

"Like "that"?"

"Like I want to hold her, like I want to be with her, like I want to kiss her all the time, like I want to touch her." a thumb dragged down Asahi's throat to his colarbone.

Goosebumps appeared on Asahi's skin.

"Ryū noticed first, said I wasn't looking at her the same. He's the one who figured out my... feelings for you before even _I_ did." Nishinoya's breath was tickling him. "It was his idea. The "confession through songs" thing. So, yeah. I don't know how it happened. But it did. And I like _you_." there was a light kiss under Asahi's jaw.

"I... I like you too." the bigger muttered quietly.

"Huh? Can't hear ya."

"I like... you too."

"What?"

" _I like you too!_ " Asahi finally yelled and slapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide and muscles clenched.

He heard muffed laugter and a moment later Nishinoya lifted his head to look at him with a grin on his face. His fingers were tracing Asahi's neck and Asahi shivered. The grin turned in to a smirk and a nail grazed the slightly tanned flesh.

"Nishinoya." Asahi brought his shoulders up in an attempt to stop the fingers but with no avail. "I've got sensitive skin." he squirmed away.

"I know." the heat was back in the golden orbs.

Nishinoya loomed over him again.

Then Asahi's phone ringed.

"You've got to be joking." Nishinoya sighted and got up, gesturing towards the desk where the noise and light was coming from.

Asahi scrambled out of the bed and dashed towards the phone. He took the buzzing device and answered it.

_"Asahi!"_

"Suga?"

_"Are you alright?"_

"Y-yeah." Asahi heard his teammate sigh in relief from the other side.

_"Good. There was some sort of problem with the elctricity and I wanted to check up on you since you got concussed and all."_

"I can take care of myself, Suga!"

 _"Alright, alright."_ he could hear Suga smile. He really was like a mother sometimes. _"Well then, I'll leave you . Oh, and say "Hello" to Nishinoya from me, okay? See you soon."_ before the line went dead he heard a laugh.

Asahi placed the phone back on his desk and looked and Nishinoya who in turn looked away.

"It kind of slipped. That I'll stay here." he said from his place on the bed.

"It's alright."

"Uh... I think they know." Nishinoya straightened his back. "They were all smirking at me when I left. Actually, I think that everybody knew before _we_ did." Nishinoya returned his gaze.

Asahi brought a palm to his nape, not knowing what to do.

"I'll go wash my teeth." he said, pointing at the door and walked out as fast as he could out of the room. He closed the bathroom door behind himself and rested his hands on the edges of the sink.

_What's this? What's happening? Am I really dreaming?_

He splashed water on his face and started brushing his teeth.

The door opened and he jumped. He saw Nishinoya's reflection in the mirror. The shorter stood next to him and put toothpaste on his toothbrush, shoving it in his mouth afterwards. He was standing close. Their feet touched. The message was clear: _"You're not running away"_.

Asahi was very well aware that the other teen was watching him but he stubbornly stared at the white sink. He was the first to rinse his mouth, Nishinoya doing the same thing after him while Asahi wiped his face with the towel on the side. He waited for Nishinoya to finish, eyes on his feet. Smaller ones got in his range of vision. A hand clasped over his wrist, pulling him out of the bathroom and to his bedroom.

"Y-you can take my bed." he stuttered out. "I'll go to my parents room." he was still convinced that he was about to wake up any moment.

"Nope. I don't like sleeping cold." Nishinoya closed the door to Asahi's bedroom while Asahi stood in the middle of the room. "C'mon." a hand on his lower back guided him towards the bed.

Asahi laid first, making room for the other. Nishinoya turned the lights off and got under the covers. Asahi was suddenly self-conscious about every move he made, everywhere they touched it burned his skin.

"Relax. We're just gonna sleep." Nishinoya's arm was over his chest now and that did not calm him one bit. There was a strand of his hair that was stuck to his cheek but before he could take it off Nishinoya did. He looked down and was greated by a sleepy smile. "Go to sleep."

Asahi closed his eyes, putting his hand on Nishinoya's arm.

The even and quiet breaths of the boy next to him lulled him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. If anybody wants to chat you can find me on tumblr - i-will-run-to-the-moon ^^


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I posted this chapter again because there seems to be some sort of problem in AO3 and it didn't say that the work had been updated, thus I lost the comments to same chapter *looks down* sorry...
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, feel free to point them out! Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

The sun was just about to rise when Asahi woke up. He looked up at the window that was almost over his bed. He had intended to sleep in today.

Oh, well. He needed to do homework either way.

He was just about to move when he finally felt what didn't seem right from the beginning.

There was something on him. More like _someone_.

When he looked down he was greeted by a mop of dark hair and he could see a bit of blonde.

 _Nihsinoya?_ _What is he doing here? Why is he-_

And it all came back to him.

_We... we kissed. And..._

He wanted to cover his face, or better yet just disappear altogether, but if he moved hе would wake up the smaller one and he didn't think he was ready to face that yet.

Nishinoya had literary climbed on top of him like a starfish, a leg between Asahi's thighs, one arm tucked under the pillow, the other over Asahi's shoulder. And the worst was that he had his head buried in Asahi's sensitive neck and with every exhale goosebumps danced over Asahi's skin. He couldn't wake him up but he couldn't let him stay in this position for too long. 

Moving away towards the wall was impossible and the hand under the pillow moved while fingers raked his long hair. He tried again which resulted in a mumble from Nishinoya and the leg between his was rubbing dangerously close to his private parts. Asahi barely managed not to squeak and quickly grabbed Nihsinoya's hips with trembling hands to still his movements. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Just, please, don't move." he didn't notice his mouth opening and uttering the quiet words until he actually heard them.

Nishinoya ceased moving after digging his fingers deeper in Asahi's hair.

There was a thought bugging Asahi for a few minutes now and he wondered whether he should indulge it or not. At last he removed a hand from Nishinoya's hip and instead brought it from under the blanket to the mop of hair currently resting on his chest, letting his fingers skim over it. It turned out as soft as a rabbit's fur. When Nishinoya pushed against his fingers he stilled. There was another murmur followed by a dreamy sigh. Asahi touched it again, this time stroking it in fluid motions.

He continued like that for a while, stiffling a laugh when a whine sounded the moment he withdrew his hand. If only Nishinoya stopped nuzzling his oh so sensitive throat things would be even perfect.

There was a low sound when he rubbed the dark strands at the base of the small neck that he identified as a moan. Nishinoya turned his head so Asahi's hand slid lower and was no longer on his hair but on his neck.

Asahi immediately stopped.

He just wanted to see if the other male's hair was as soft as it looked. And now _this_ was happening while Nishinoya was sleeping. He felt like was somehow taking advantage of his friend.

He lifted his hand and placed it on the bed sheet, moving away the one that was still on Nishinoya's hip as well.

A mumble sounded again and the smaller one shifted until his nose was under Asahi's chin. And his lips were on Asahi's skin.

_Oh no._

Asahi tried to pull Nishinoya gently by the shoulders. The other was having none of that and instead wrapped himself even more over the older.

"Don't... don't do that... " he made a final attempt and relaxed his body in defeat.

Maybe he was imagining it but he felt Nishinoya smile. Before he could dwell on that yet another mumble came and went.

_What do I do now...?_

All he _could_ do was hope for the better and that nothing embarrasing was going to happen. Key word: hope.

He wanted to both wake the other up and at the same time didn't want to do so, he liked the warmth and the contact - it brought a calmness in him that he didn't know existed. He constanly worried over what not, thoughts eating him up, but was too shy or scared to voice anything out to anybody. This though, this was something he didn't know he needed, he didn't know that would bring him such serenity . Sure, his brain never stopped bugging him with useless things and the fear and anxiety never truly went away but it was more like a background buzz now.

His thoughts took diffrent shapes, like what would Nishinoya's eyes look in this light, would that blond strand stand out more, what would it be if he hugged him, would Nishinoya's hair be even silkier if it was brushed...

He felt Nihsinoya shiver and Asahi lifted the blanket over them, petting the smaller boy afterwards for a second or two unconciously. 

The fingers in Asahi's hair moved, thumb stroking just under his hairline, instantly sending a shiver down Asahi's spine. It was followed by another when a kiss was placed on his neck, on his Adam apple.

"Nishinoya?" he whispered, not sure if he wanted to get an answer or no.

"Mmmm?"

The moment he got one his eyes grew wide and he released a really ridiculous sqeak. Instead of the laughter he expected he was granted with another kiss, this time under his jaw.

"Y-you've been a-awake the w-whole time?" Asahi barely stuttered out.

"Mhmmm." there was another kiss.

_How didn't I notice?_

Now that he thought about it, it seemed pretty obvious.

"For two hours now." Asahi wasn't used to Nishinoya talking so quietly. 

 _Two... TWO HOURS??_  
  
Nishinoya's eyelashes tickled him and he tried to move his head on impulse only to find out that the hand in his hair was keeping him in place. It was like the events from last night were repeating themselves.  
  
The kisses lost the lightness they had and every place those lips touched him, his skin burned. There was a barely there bite near his jugular vein, covered by a flick of a tongue.  
  
By now the shivers came with every single touch.  
  
One more bite, this time sending a tingle of both pleasure and pain, then a soothing tongue followed.  
  
His toes curled.  
  
"Nishinoya..." Asahi's back arched a bit after another bite.  
  
"Do you want me to stop?" Nishinoya ceased his actions.  
  
When Asahi said nothing he propped himself on one elbow so he could look at the older teen.  
  
His eyes were golden in the morning light, brighter than Asahi had ever seen them and he couldn't believe that he was that mezmerized by somebody. And honestly he didn't know that somebody could be so... perfect, as cheesy as it sounded.  
  
"Asahi?" Nishinoya had tilted his head to the right. "Do you want me to stop?" he looked so earnest.  
  
Asahi felt heat creeping to his face again and he scrunched his eyebrows while swallowing. He still wasn't used to Nishinoya saying his name without any honorifics, not that he minded, but it didn't help his situation. He didn't know what to say, what he _wanted_ to say. He didn't dislike the way the other teen made him feel, in fact he kind of liked the tingling sensations and the way his heart fluttered because _Nishinoya liked him back_ (unless this was a dream and he was just napping), the way his stomach would roll, but not in the bad way it did when he had to talk in front of the whole class.

At the same time he didn't know what would happen and that really scared him. Was Nishinoya serious? Not that he didn't trust his teammate, but really? What do they do now? What if Asahi did something and screwed up? He probably would and everything will go downwards after that. _Was this even real?_

"Oi, look at me." Nishinoya frowned too. "What makes you think that this _isn't_ real?"

He had said it out loud? Well, damn.  
   
"Okay. Stop thinking. Stop thinking _now_." the hand that wasn't in on his head cupped his neck and a thumb traced his jaw back and forth.

"That's humanly impossible." Asahi could feel the anxiety bulbing in him so he took a few deep breaths.

"It's alright, you know. If you don't like it. There's _nothing_ wrong with that. Some people just-"

"I do." Asahi croaked out.

"Hm?"

"I do like it." he averted his eyes and focused on the reflection of the sun on the ceiling.

Asahi didn't like silence like this, it made his thoughts go bonkers and if somebody didn't say something soon he might just get up and run away like the coward he was.

"You haven't done this before, have you?" Asahi shook his head to answer "no", still not looking at the younger, afraid that the golden eyes would somehow lure him, as if he was under some spell. "So this is all new to you."  he nodded this time. "That's okay too."

Nishinoya bumped their noses, he seemed to be very fond of that and Asahi couldn't not look. He was met by a soft smile and the thumb agains his jaw travelled up to his cheekbone.

"This is real." the fingers in his hair drew circles in his scalp. "I'm not... good with words. At all." a flash of white teeth. "But if you need to hear it again, then okay." a deep breath. "I like you, Asahi. This is real. I'm here. You're here. We're _both_ here and real." Asahi could feel Nishinoya's heartbreat increace even throught their shirts. "And..." Nihsinoya looked at Asahi's mouth. "I want to show you and I want to make you feel good. But it's okay if you don't want to, I don't wanna push it." he bumped his nose in Asahi's cheek. "I don't want to push you."

By now Asahi had his whole focus on the teen on top of him, not fully calm but not as panic-stricken as before. 

_No, I want to do that with you, I just..._

Nishinoya kept staring at him, probably waiting for an answer or an indication.

_I don't... I can't... I..._

A kiss was pressed to his chin and he expected it to continue from where it stopped but Nishinoya moved no further. He was trying to reassure him.

_I don't know what to do._

"Talk to me. What are you thinking about?" those golden orbs made him melt.

Asahi swallowed.

"I... I don't know what to do." he said lamely. "I've never... felt like this before."

"So you feel weird because it's new?"

"Not weird. Just... strange. Not in the bad way! It's-"

Nihsinoya's laugh stopped him.

"Just follow my lead, okay?" Asahi gave an uncertain nod. "And if you don't like something - you tell me. If you want me to stop - you tell me. Anything that bothers you - just tell me. Okay?"

"Yeah."

He stared at Nishinoya for a while, knowing fully well that he was supposed to do something. So instead of thinking it through he did what he wanted to and pecked the other once on the lips as quickly as he could. A laugh escaped Nishinoya again and he kissed Asahi in the corner of his mouth.

"See? Nothing scary." he said after kissing the other corner and continued with his nose and cheekbones.

Asahi knew that Nihsinoya was affectionate, actually everybody knew it, but this was the best kind of affection in Asahi's opinion - gentle and barely-there kisses and presses. So sue him, he liked it more when things were not that rushed, when you can enjoy it fully. It was like eating - everybody does it diffrently; some people do it fast, some are slow, some just like to savor the tastes and are in no hurry what so ever, some just don't feel the need to eat that much, some don't like it in general... okay, that sounded really weird. So, not like eating then, you can't survive without eating. But you could without sex and just like Nihsinoya said - it's okay if you don't like it. He was thinking it way too much again.

Nihsinoya bit his nose lightly, making him yelp.

"What did we say about over thinking it?" though the other male didn't sound mad at all, just playful. 

"Sorry." 

"You don't need to apologize about anything. Actually, you don't need to apologize as much as you do but we'll deal with that later. For now..."

Nishinoya leaned in and pressed their lips, moving his over Asahi's until the other did so too. This time Asahi decided to place one palm on the dip of Nishinoya's back and the other on the smaller's hip.

"That's it." Nishinoya murmured in-between kisses.

He was letting Asahi adjust to things before applyig more pressure in the kiss. Their tongues met not long after and Asahi thought that he was starting to get addicted to the flips his stomach did. The hand in his hair tightened a notch. He didn't know the roof of his mouth was sensitive as well until Nishinoya dragged his tongue over it slowly and the heat creeped back. He brought his hand from the dip in Nishinoya's spine to his nape slowly. Nishinoya arched at the movement, kissing with more vigor and scratching Asahi's neck with a finger.

Nihsinoya groaned in his mouth the moment Asahi's hand slipped in his hair.

"Pull it." he said. Asahi was a bit reluctant to do that but judging by the low moan that escaped Nishinoya it was okay. 

Nishinoya continued from where he had left off before, licking, biting and kissing the mostly tanned flesh of Asahi's neck. He pulled the collar of the shirt until he could bite at Asahi's collarbones.

Heat wrapped itself around them with each breath and Nishinoya was getting fiercer and firecer, like a fire stirred to life in a matter of seconds. Asahi was burning all over and suddenly it hit him that maybe there were too many clothes between them. Although he didn't know if he wanted Nishinoya to see him even semi-naked. Was he attractive? People were mostly scared of him, cringing in fear, not that anybody has seen him naked apart from his parents (he constantly tried to hide when he had to take off his clothes before and after practice) who took care of him since he was a baby but he supposed he was nothing pretty. He was probably an awful sight.

"Don't think." the smaller teen said. "Just _do_." Nishinoya bit him slightly sharper than the previous times and put some space between them until he could take off his red tank-top.

Asahi's eyes widened when he saw all the flesh. Everything about Nihsinoya was beautiful and attractive - his well defined shoulders, the way every muscle on his upper arms and forearms shifted with every movement, his collarbones, the way his chest heaved, the well defined stomach, the jut of his hipbones, down to the trail of hair that continued under his shorts. He quickly shifted his eyes to Nihsinoya's face only to find a smirk on the swollen lips. Nishinoya lifted his eyebrows suggestively with a tild to his head.

Nimble fingers slowly closed around the hem of Asahi's T-shirt and pulled to reveal only a small area of skin then slid under the material. They traveled over Asahi's stomach which spasmed at the contact and stopped over his ribs, thumbs smoothing over them. Then Nishinoya shifted until he was stradling Asahi's lower thighs so he could bend and kiss the exposed flesh. 

"Wha-" a bite over his left hipbone stopped any words from coming out.

_Oh._

Nishinoya's gaze never strayed his and whenever Asahi averted his eyes Nihsinoya would pinch him. He was kissing all over his stomach and it quickly converted in licks and nips. He was slowly but surely lifting the shirt up. Asahi arched his back up from the bed, giving an idication that it was okay to take it off, then raised himself on his elbows. The shirt was off in a instant, Asahi didn't even have time to react. Nishinoya pushed them flush together and this time it was even better when their chests connected without any layers of clothing between them.

Nishinoya's smile was dazzling and left him more dizzy than the kisses did. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! How do you think it was?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I would really like to hear your opinion =)


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